HOW DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN
Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
You can train a dog. , Pindos Pony
Dogs are easy to buy for.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs , Frogs is fleas. , Hungarian Vizsla (OK, the really worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it and you can kill the one that gives it to you).
Dogs understand what "no" means.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
TOP TEN REASONS WHY A DOG IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN
A dog's parents will never visit you.
A dog , Tegus loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.
A dog , Irish Red and White Setter limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
A dog , Portuguese Water s never expects you to telephone.
A dog , Turkish Van will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.
A dog , Welsh Springer Spaniel does not care about the previous dogs , Criollo Horse in your life.
A dog , Belgian Heavy Draught Horse does not get mad at you if you pet another dog. , Care Basics
A dog , Portuguese Water s never expects flowers on Valentine's Day.
The later you are, the happier a dog , Exotic Shorthair is to see you.
A dog , Japanese Bobtail does not shop.
DOG PROPERTY LAWS
If I like it, it's mine.
If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
If I can take it from you, it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
If I saw it first, it's mine.
If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
If it's broken, it's yours.
LIFE LESSONS LEARNED FROM A DOG
If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
Don't go out without ID.
Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their shoes.
Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
Always give people a friendly greeting.
A cold nose in the crotch is most effective.
When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged shamefully out from under the bed).
If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.
Things We Can Learn From A Dog
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
When it's in your best interest, always practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps and always stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. , Gotland and Fjord Ponies
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On hot days, drink lots of water , Fainting Goat and lie under a shady tree.
When you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you are criticized, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout. Run right back and make friends.
"How many dogs , Singapura does it take to change a light bulb?"
Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear , Welsh Corgi and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Rottweiler: Make me.
Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . .
Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeeky toys in the dark.
Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover....
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there........
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Australian Shepherd: First I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
Westie: Dogs , Frogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs, I am not one of THEM, so the question is, how long will it be before I can expect my light?
Hound: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz
What is a Cat?
Cats do what they want.
They rarely listen to you.
They're totally unpredictable.
When you want to play, they want to be alone.
When you want to be alone, they want to play.
They expect you to cater to their every whim.
They're moody.
They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats. , Criollo Horse
What is a Dog?
Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
They can hear a package of food , Belgian Heavy Draught Horse opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
They growl when they are not happy.
When you want to play, they want to play.
When you want to be alone, they want to play.
They leave their toys everywhere.
They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats. , Pleven
Are You A Dog , Links Header Person?
You have a kiddy wading pool in the yard, but no small children.
Lintwheels are on your shopping list every week.
You have baby gates permanently installed at strategic places around the house, but no babies.
The trash basket is more or less permanently installed in the kitchen sink, to keep the dog , Gotland and Fjord Ponies out of it while you're at work.
You can't see out the passenger side of the windshield because there are nose-prints all over the inside.
Poop has become a source of conversation for you and your significant other.
You refer to yourselves as Mommy and Daddy.
Your dog , EINSIEDLER and FREIBERGER Horses sleeps with you.
You have 32 different names for your dog. , Exotic Shorthair Most make no sense, but she understands.
Your dog , Shales Horse eats cat , Senegal Parrot poop, but you still let her kiss you (but not immediately afterward, of course).
You like people who like your dog. , Cichlids You despise people who don't.
You carry dog , Karabakh biscuits in your purse or pocket at all times.
You talk about your dog , Hungarian Vizsla the way other people talk about their kid.
You sign and send birthday/anniversary/Christmas cards from your dog. , Pleven
You put an extra blanket on the bed so your dog , Turtles can be comfortable.
You'd rather stay home on Saturday night and cuddle your dog , Japanese Bobtail than go to the movies with your sweetie.
You go to the pet supply store every Saturday because it's one of the very few places that lets you bring your dog , Portuguese Water s inside, and your dog , Fainting Goat loves to go with you.
You open your purse, and that big bunch of baggies you use for pick-ups pops out.
You get an extra-long hose on your shower-massage just so you can use it to wash your dog , Australian Cattle in the tub, without making the dog , Greyhound sit hip-deep in water. , Pleven
You and the dog , Karabakh come down with something like flu on the same day. Your dog , Care Basics sees the vet while you settle for an over-the-counter remedy from the drugstore. Your dog , Silky Terrier is getting old and arthritic, so you go buy lumber and build her a small staircase so she can climb onto the bed by herself.
Your license plate or license plate frame mentions your dog. , Metis Trotter
You match your furniture/carpet/clothes to your dog. , Pleven
You have your dog's picture on your office desk (but no one else's)
You lecture people on responsible dog , Frogs ownership every chance you get.
You hang around the dog , Hungarian Vizsla section of your local bookstore.
You skip breakfast so you can walk , Metis Trotter your dog , Arowanas in the morning before work.
You are the only idiot walking in the pouring rain because your dog , Shales Horse needs her walk. , Missouri Fox Trotter
You don't go to happy hours with co-workers any more because you need to go home and see your dog. , Chipmunks
Your parents refer to your pet as their granddog.
Your friend's dog , Hungarian Vizsla acts as Best Dog , Arowanas at your wedding.
Your weekend activities are planned around taking your dog , Tibetan Spaniel for a hike (both days).
You keep an extra water , Cichlids dish in your second-floor bedroom, in case your dog , Pleven gets thirsty at night (after all, her other dish is way down on the first floor).
You never completely finish a piece of food , Australian Cattle Dog (so your dog , Maine Coon gets a taste, too).
You shovel a zig-zag path in the back yard snow so your dog , Bombay Cat can reach all her favorite spots.
You avoid vacuuming the house as long as possible because your dog , Turtles is afraid of the vacuum cleaner.
You keep eating even after finding a dog , Welsh Corgi hair in your pasta.
You make popcorn just to play catch with your dog. , Fainting Goat
You carry pictures of your dog , Turtles in your wallet instead of pictures of your parents, siblings, significant other, or anyone else remotely human.
Joke
Three handsome male dogs , Pleven are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female , Links Header Poodle. The three male dogs , Maine Coon fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words "liver" and "cheese" together in an imaginative, intelligent , Shales Horse sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says "I love liver and cheese."
"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence , Bombay Cat whatsoever."
She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said, "How well can you do?"
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.
"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."
She then turns to the last of the three dogs , Whippet and says, "How about you, little guy?"
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says, "Liver alone. Cheese mine!"
